Happy Holidays vs. Happy Birthdays

I can't help but sympathize for those people born roughly between December 20 and January 1. These people are the unfortunate victims of a gift-giving scam. Certain people out there feel that it is an acceptable practice to give just one gift and call it even. I know it must sound like something from and episode of Seinfeld, but its so true. Good thing I'm born in the summer.

Right now I challenge you to sit back, think about it, and formulate a solid view on this topic of one-way conversation: between Happy Birthday and Happy Holidays, which "Happy" is truly the happier of the two and why?

Happy Birthday
( + ) It's all you my friend, your day. You get presents, you get to pick where you go out to dinner, and best of all, you get to use that whole "but it's my birthday" bullshit excuse all day to get whatever you want. My question to you is this: how good is cake. That's right, a period after cake, because its not even a question.

( - ) After recently turning 22, I realized something latently depressing. I have no more birthdays to look forward too. Oh yea, except when I turn 25. My plan is to get a rental car on that day. Renting a car is so much more exciting then the day I turned 21 and took 21 shots.

Happy Holidays
( + ) Yankee Candles confirm to me that scent is the closest sense tied to memory. My mom has those gi-normous bottles of wax with fifty-two wicks all burning at the same time in half of the rooms in my house, its insane. Mom's make the best cookies too. Best part of the holidays is that everyone is off work. Let's all drink eggnog in wool sweaters and open presents.

( - ) Santa Clause isn't real; biggest upset of all time. I cannot drive my car in the snow, therefore snow is now a bad thing. Plus the whole gift giving thing was clearly thought up by Alan Greenspan to stimulate the economy. Undeniably, there is a clear conflict of politics regarding the whole Christmas, Channakuh (or however the hell you want us to spell it), Kwanzaa, and whatever else is out there, ...thing. Finally, the worst part of the holidays is the television commercials. Eventually I end up wanting to take the harder side of my hand and introduce it to the softer side of Sears.

Conclusion
Before I announce the winner, I must say that it was an extremely close decision. I wish I could just write the two 'happy' events on a sheet of paper and pick one out of a hat. Unfortunately I don't have a pen, and I don't have any paper. I do have a hat, but without the other two, that item is obvioulsly irrelevant.

First of all, the fact that you get presents on your birthday, as well during the holidays, does in no way cancel out the whole gift aspect of the equation. During the holidays, you essentially break-even if you are an avid follower of the common gift-giving practice of reciprocation. The worst part about the reciprocation issue is how it is fueled by guilt. Finally, to be completely frank, its not about the thought. Stop saying "it's the thought that counts," while at the same time shaking the money out of a Hallmark card from your Grandma without even opening it.

Basically, my decision has to be based on what I've seen already. The "season to be jolly" is definitely "the most wonderful time of the year." But unfortunately, I have to feel a little bitter about all of the deceitful lies that takes place during the holidays. If I have kids, I hope to God that the whole Santa Clause theatrics are wiped out of society. No mythical, toy-company CEO in a red suit and suspenders is taking credit for my generosity.

I'm sure that the birthdays I have ahead of me will eventually become so depressing that I won't even have the lung capacity to blow out a cake full of candles. Fortunately, I live for today and the things I've learned in the past. The older you get, the wiser-er you become. To sum up my view on birthdays, I give you a little advice for those yet to turn 21: the trick is to eat an entire Subway sub and drink a gallon of water. Start at 4pm and pace yourself all the way up until midnight. Give someone a pen and have them keep a tally on your arm so you can keep track of how many you've already taken. It's not as hard as it seems.

As for my view on which "Happy" is in fact the happiest of the happys, I have decided that even though my birthdays of the past have been amazing, I must admit that even though I don't believe its the thought that counts, I am a sucker for the notion that it's better to give than to receive. I get it from my Dad, the worlds most abstract gift-wrapper and holiday-card connoisseur. I basically live everyday like the Happy Holidays. I love spending my earnings on a good time for me and my present company, regardless of the cost. That is unless I'm broke.

In closing, consider this. Whether written on a list addressed to Santa or pondered briefly before blowing out the candles, a wish is a wish no matter how you look at it.